APRIL 19 : I GAVE UP A KIDNEY FIVE YEARS AGO TODAY …and I don’t mind using all Capital Letters to say so .


I am a …..

LIVING ORGAN DONOR… SHAKING THE KIDNEY TREE ….
GIVE IT UP…..YOU, ONLY NEED ONE.

Dear friends ,

This holiday season , why not consider giving the gift of an internal organ.

My name is Vermin Supreme . I am a living kidney donor .

I am using my elevated moral position, as an organ donor, to make this urgent appeal .

Right now , some , 70,000 Americans are in need of a kidney .

My dear friend , Virgil Fowler , is one of these Americans .

Virgil is a simple family man . A man of simple tastes . He lives a simple lifestyle .

Through no fault of his own , he finds himself in end stage renal failure . Bummer , dude .

VERMIN SUPREME WANTS TO GUILT TRIP YOU .

When my friend Luke Clemente’s kidneys were failing, a few years back ,

I jokingly offered to trade one of my kidneys for one of his testicles .

Unfortunately for him , I had already committed to giving one of mine,

(kidney,not testicle ) , to my mother , who was also entering end stage kidney failure .

He died , but my mother lived .

I dedicated my kidney donation to him.

FACT : YOU HAVE ONE MORE KIDNEY THAN YOU REALLY NEED !

It costs nothing to screen to be a potential kidney( or marrow or liver) donor .

In fact, it’s a great way to get a free medical checkup !

( I got a free colonoscopy as part of my screening.)

It starts with a simple blood test . They put both your antibodies in a little test tube wrestling ring .

If the anti-bodies fight too much…maybe you’re not a good match.

But, if they don’t fight. BINGO. You could be a donor . It’s fast . It’s fun . It’s easy .

Of course , there is a long series of screening tests ,beyond that ,to assure compatibility .

Anywhere along the way , even if promising , you could be rejected, for any number of reasons .

FACT : A DONOR WILL REGAIN 90% OF THEIR ORIGINAL KIDNEY CAPACITY
…. ie you can still drink.

NO WORRIES : They will not take your organs from you unless you are extremely healthy.
They will only take the organs that you allow them .
They even write on your belly with a magic marker to make sure .

At any time during the process , you can opt out , and change your mind. No questions asked.

(The recipient will be told you were not an acceptable match.)

FACT : EVEN IF NOT COMPATIBLE WITH VIRGIL , YOU COULD STILL GIVE ONE UP AND SAVE A LIFE .

AND STILL BE DOING VIRGIL A SOLID. If you do donate to a needy stranger, on the list, whom you do match ,

through some complex set of calculations , Virgil , will be bumped up the list .

(or something like that, if my recall is correct .)

FACT : RECOVERY TIME WAS PRETTY DAMN QUICK. The operation is laprascopic .

A couple day post-op stay in the hospital.

After two weeks , I was back on the playground, wrangling rugrats .

At three weeks, I was riding a Stegosaurus ,at the grand opening of the Creation Museum.

After six weeks , I was back carrying and climbing 24 foot ladders . (will work for food)

Of course, I don’t want to minimize the first week and a half of ‘hard’ recovery.

( Couch bound , with a pain equivalent, of a good hard kick to the nuts .)

But hey ,That’s what pain meds are for.

DONATING ORGANS AFTER YOU’RE DEAD IS NICE , BUT WHY NOT GO FOR THE EXTRA GUSTO .

DONATE YOUR ORGANS WHILE YOU ARE STILL ALIVE . NOW THAT’S EXTREME .

My name is Vermin Supreme, I approve of this message . Thank you for your time.

If interested call the VIRGIL KIDNEY DRIVE HOT LINE 1-207-461-0442

or e-mail Deandre at : virguall@aol.com

We are stardust we are carbon, we are bio bags of organs .

4 Comments

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4 responses to “APRIL 19 : I GAVE UP A KIDNEY FIVE YEARS AGO TODAY …and I don’t mind using all Capital Letters to say so .

  1. Rostapolis Qi

    Vermin, Vermin Supreme,
    of but who’s ramblings are that of dreams,
    A man of none wizardry, but solely a foot on his cap,
    Brilliance personified in a shameless presidential act.
    Vermin Supreme, of all noble stature and stance,
    Represents American idiocy in his solemnly dance.
    And they will mock for eternity,
    and they will judge and hush aside,
    For these petty humans of America know not what’s
    in plain sight.
    This country has abandoned us, it’s people so lame,
    All the while we’re kept “happy” with our iphones and games.
    But then strikes a man with but intelligence throughout,
    A vermin so pristine that he needs not lie or shout.
    Honesty and wisdom, and genius surreal,
    a true brilliant man of brilliant zeal.
    I see what you’re doing here,
    and I respect you completely,
    You have my vote, Vermin (possibly twice if the forgeries go as planned)
    and I confide in you now the only wisdom I know true:
    “Americans are fat, lazy, uninspired, and blinded by their tyrannous leaders. To think that an entire population can be distracted completely by such little things as phones and computers is disgusting. Pathetic. I love the place that I live, I just am repulsed by the inhabitants. When will these fools wake up? When will they see that everything they’ve held dear and true in their lives is being taken away from them. We have no honor, we have no rights. We are quickly heading into destruction, death, and complete and total control.

    Shall we vote for Obama to regain his corrupt and harrowing ways? Or shall we all vote for Vermin Supreme, the only man by who America can be saved.

    Vermin,
    Vermin,
    Vermin Supreme”

  2. Jose

    greatest organ PSA ever. good job, bro.

    wish i could help but sadly i smoke and drink all the time which probly means i get to keep my organs until i lose them.

  3. Leon Bautista

    Santa Clara Plays Fair is demanding a vote of the people in Santa Clara, we endorse the efforts of all Misinformed Citizens to keep people voting!

    Support our petition and recall Santa Clara council members

    more information scpfinfo@gmail.com, stadiumfacts@yahoo.com

  4. Anonymous

    I will donate when I have the right to sell mine.

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