LIVING ORGAN DONOR SHAKING THE KIDNEY TREE.
Dear friends ,
This holiday season , why not consider giving the gift of an internal organ.
My name is Vermin Supreme . I am a living kidney donor .
I am using my elevated moral position, as an organ donor, to make this urgent appeal .
Right now , some , 70,000 Americans are in need of a kidney .
My dear friend , Virgil Fowler , is one of these Americans .
Virgil is a simple family man . A man of simple tastes . He lives a simple lifestyle .
Through no fault of his own , he finds himself in end stage renal failure . Bummer , dude :(.
VERMIN SUPREME WANTS TO GUILT TRIP YOU .
When my friend Luke Clemente’s kidneys were failing, a few years back ,
I jokingly offered to trade one of my kidneys for one of his testicles .
Unfortunately for him , I had already committed to giving one of mine,
(kidney,not testicle ) , to my mother , who was also entering end stage kidney failure .
He died , but my mother lived .
I dedicated my kidney donation to him.
FACT : YOU HAVE ONE MORE KIDNEY THAN YOU REALLY NEED !
It costs nothing to screen to be a potential kidney( or marrow or liver) donor .
In fact, it’s a great way to get a free medical checkup !
( I got a free colonoscopy as part of my screening.)
It starts with a simple blood test . They put both your antibodies in a little test tube wrestling ring .
If the anti-bodies fight too much…maybe you’re not a good match.
But, if they don’t fight. BINGO. You could be a donor . It’s fast . It’s fun . It’s easy .
Of course , there is a long series of screening tests ,beyond that ,to assure compatibility .
Anywhere along the way , even if promising , you could be rejected, for any number of reasons .
FACT : A DONOR WILL REGAIN 90% OF THEIR ORIGINAL KIDNEY CAPACITY. ie you can still drink.
NO WORRIES : They will not take your organs from you unless you are extremely healthy.
At any time during the process , you can opt out , and change your mind. No questions asked.
(The recipient will be told you were not an acceptable match.)
FACT : EVEN IF NOT COMPATIBLE WITH VIRGIL , YOU COULD STILL GIVE ONE UP AND SAVE A LIFE .
AND STILL BE DOING VIRGIL A SOLID. If you do donate to a needy stranger, on the list, whom you do match ,
through some complex set of calculations , Virgil , will be bumped up the list .
(or something like that, if my recall is correct .)
FACT : RECOVERY TIME WAS PRETTY DAMN QUICK. The operation is laprascopic .
A couple day post-op stay in the hospital.
After two weeks , I was back on the playground, wrangling rugrats .
At three weeks, I was riding a Stegosaurus ,at the grand opening of the Creation Museum.
After six weeks , I was back carrying and climbing 24 foot ladders . (will work for food)
Of course, I don’t want to minimize the first week and a half of ‘hard’ recovery.
( Couch bound , with a pain equivalent, of a good hard kick to the nuts .)
But hey ,That’s what pain meds are for.
DONATING ORGANS AFTER YOU’RE DEAD IS NICE , BUT WHY NOT GO FOR THE EXTRA GUSTO .
DONATE YOUR ORGANS WHILE YOU ARE STILL ALIVE . NOW THAT’S EXTREME .
My name is Vermin Supreme, I approve of this message . Thank you for your time.
If interested call the VIRGIL KIDNEY DRIVE HOT LINE 1-207-461-0442
or e-mail Deandre at : firstname.lastname@example.org
We are stardust we are carbon, we are bio bags of organs .