Tag Archives: elvis costello

APRIL 19 : I GAVE UP A KIDNEY FIVE YEARS AGO TODAY …and I don’t mind using all Capital Letters to say so .


I am a …..

LIVING ORGAN DONOR… SHAKING THE KIDNEY TREE ….
GIVE IT UP…..YOU, ONLY NEED ONE.

Dear friends ,

This holiday season , why not consider giving the gift of an internal organ.

My name is Vermin Supreme . I am a living kidney donor .

I am using my elevated moral position, as an organ donor, to make this urgent appeal .

Right now , some , 70,000 Americans are in need of a kidney .

My dear friend , Virgil Fowler , is one of these Americans .

Virgil is a simple family man . A man of simple tastes . He lives a simple lifestyle .

Through no fault of his own , he finds himself in end stage renal failure . Bummer , dude .

VERMIN SUPREME WANTS TO GUILT TRIP YOU .

When my friend Luke Clemente’s kidneys were failing, a few years back ,

I jokingly offered to trade one of my kidneys for one of his testicles .

Unfortunately for him , I had already committed to giving one of mine,

(kidney,not testicle ) , to my mother , who was also entering end stage kidney failure .

He died , but my mother lived .

I dedicated my kidney donation to him.

FACT : YOU HAVE ONE MORE KIDNEY THAN YOU REALLY NEED !

It costs nothing to screen to be a potential kidney( or marrow or liver) donor .

In fact, it’s a great way to get a free medical checkup !

( I got a free colonoscopy as part of my screening.)

It starts with a simple blood test . They put both your antibodies in a little test tube wrestling ring .

If the anti-bodies fight too much…maybe you’re not a good match.

But, if they don’t fight. BINGO. You could be a donor . It’s fast . It’s fun . It’s easy .

Of course , there is a long series of screening tests ,beyond that ,to assure compatibility .

Anywhere along the way , even if promising , you could be rejected, for any number of reasons .

FACT : A DONOR WILL REGAIN 90% OF THEIR ORIGINAL KIDNEY CAPACITY
…. ie you can still drink.

NO WORRIES : They will not take your organs from you unless you are extremely healthy.
They will only take the organs that you allow them .
They even write on your belly with a magic marker to make sure .

At any time during the process , you can opt out , and change your mind. No questions asked.

(The recipient will be told you were not an acceptable match.)

FACT : EVEN IF NOT COMPATIBLE WITH VIRGIL , YOU COULD STILL GIVE ONE UP AND SAVE A LIFE .

AND STILL BE DOING VIRGIL A SOLID. If you do donate to a needy stranger, on the list, whom you do match ,

through some complex set of calculations , Virgil , will be bumped up the list .

(or something like that, if my recall is correct .)

FACT : RECOVERY TIME WAS PRETTY DAMN QUICK. The operation is laprascopic .

A couple day post-op stay in the hospital.

After two weeks , I was back on the playground, wrangling rugrats .

At three weeks, I was riding a Stegosaurus ,at the grand opening of the Creation Museum.

After six weeks , I was back carrying and climbing 24 foot ladders . (will work for food)

Of course, I don’t want to minimize the first week and a half of ‘hard’ recovery.

( Couch bound , with a pain equivalent, of a good hard kick to the nuts .)

But hey ,That’s what pain meds are for.

DONATING ORGANS AFTER YOU’RE DEAD IS NICE , BUT WHY NOT GO FOR THE EXTRA GUSTO .

DONATE YOUR ORGANS WHILE YOU ARE STILL ALIVE . NOW THAT’S EXTREME .

My name is Vermin Supreme, I approve of this message . Thank you for your time.

If interested call the VIRGIL KIDNEY DRIVE HOT LINE 1-207-461-0442

or e-mail Deandre at : virguall@aol.com

We are stardust we are carbon, we are bio bags of organs .

4 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

KIDNEY NOW

Thanks 30 Rock ,
for promoting kidney disease .
I’m Vermin Supreme , a living kidney donor .

Donating blood at the office blood drive , is good.
Donating organs , once your dead and not using them , is nice .
BUT , if you want to really go for the gusto ,
try donating one of your organs , while your still using it !
Now , that’s extreme !
Go ahead , I dare you .
Are you chicken ?
It’s only a kidney . You have two .
Anyone ?
I’m looking at you Baldwin .

KIDNEY FLASHBACK ! ELECTION ‘008
Life of the party

For five days, New Hampshire is the center of the political universe

By Brian Early bearly@hippopress.com

Q&A with Vermin Supreme
Vermin Supreme has run for the New Hampshire primary since 1988, although this is the first year he’s actually paid money to be on the ballot. This year he is a Republican. He’s a street performer who lives in Massachusetts. Often he has a combat boot strapped to a helmet he wears.

He’s a firm believer that everyone should brush their teeth and that the government should enforce that mandate. He called the Hippo looking for an endorsement. “If the Hippo won’t endorse Vermin Supreme, who will?” he said.

Hippo : What makes you think that you should be president?

Vermin : 
I should be president because I am the most awesome candidate in the race.

Hippo : What makes you awesome?

Vermin :


To the best of my knowledge I’m the only living organ donor in this particular presidential race and of course
I’m making the kidney challenge to all the other candidates,

I say give it up, you’ve got two, I had two, now I just have one and the world’s a better place for it.
Seventy thousand people are presently in a state of serious medical need because of failing kidneys.
All of these other candidates have two, and they should only have one.

Hippo : Why did you give up yours ?

Vermin : My mother was needing a kidney and so I gave mine up.

Hippo : On your awesome platform, what would you do?


Vermin : I would dismantle the federal government, just for fun.

Hippo : Just for fun? How long? A day?

Vermin : 
We’ll see how it goes. A little shock therapy.

Hippo : How many times have you run for president?

Vermin : 
I’ve been running since 1988.

Hippo : But this is the first time that your name is actually on the ballot?

Vermin : 
It just seemed like the natural next step?

Hippo : What’s your goal?


Vermin : Social change through shameless self-promotion?

Hippo : What are you promoting?


Vermin : More fun, more fun in America.

Hippo : How do you differ yourself from other candidates?


Vermin : Free everything for everybody.

Hippo : And that’s it?

Vermin : 
Increase the minimum wage to $50 an hour would make everybody happy. Water boarding in public schools. A robot in every garage. If elected president, I will stop evolution.

Hippo : When you come up with your platforms, do you put a lot of thought into it, or is it just by a whim?


Vermin : A lot of thought. Focus groups, study groups, advisors, all sorts of good stuff like that.

Hippo : Who would you say your political heroes are?

Vermin : 
I have to give a nod to Dan Ruberti — he was a mayoral candidate in Glouster, Mass., for many years and still is.
Ronald Reagan, the great communicator,
George Bush, the great decider.
All the other fringe candidates in the world.
All the people with the strength of their convictions or their delusions are going forward with the process.

Hippo : What’s yours?


Vermin : A little bit of both. It’s my strength through my delusional convictions.

Hippo : How do you campaign?

Vermin : 
Usually with a bullhorn. I randomly call people on the phone, and I hope to get up to Dixville Notch and shovel people’s driveways.

End

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized