To the best of my knowledge I’m the only living organ donor in this particular presidential race and of course
I’m making the kidney challenge to all the other candidates,
I say give it up, you’ve got two, I had two, now I just have one and the world’s a better place for it.
Seventy thousand people are presently in a state of serious medical need because of failing kidneys.
All of these other candidates have two, and they should only have one.
Hippo : Why did you give up yours ?
Vermin : My mother was needing a kidney and so I gave mine up.
Hippo : On your awesome platform, what would you do?
Vermin : I would dismantle the federal government, just for fun.
Hippo : Just for fun? How long? A day?
We’ll see how it goes. A little shock therapy.
Hippo : How many times have you run for president?
I’ve been running since 1988.
Hippo : But this is the first time that your name is actually on the ballot?
It just seemed like the natural next step?
Hippo : What’s your goal?
Vermin : Social change through shameless self-promotion?
Hippo : What are you promoting?
Vermin : More fun, more fun in America.
Hippo : How do you differ yourself from other candidates?
Vermin : Free everything for everybody.
Hippo : And that’s it?
Increase the minimum wage to $50 an hour would make everybody happy. Water boarding in public schools. A robot in every garage. If elected president, I will stop evolution.
Hippo : When you come up with your platforms, do you put a lot of thought into it, or is it just by a whim?
Vermin : A lot of thought. Focus groups, study groups, advisors, all sorts of good stuff like that.
Hippo : Who would you say your political heroes are?
I have to give a nod to Dan Ruberti — he was a mayoral candidate in Glouster, Mass., for many years and still is.
Ronald Reagan, the great communicator,
George Bush, the great decider.
All the other fringe candidates in the world.
All the people with the strength of their convictions or their delusions are going forward with the process.
Hippo : What’s yours?
Vermin : A little bit of both. It’s my strength through my delusional convictions.
Hippo : How do you campaign?
Usually with a bullhorn. I randomly call people on the phone, and I hope to get up to Dixville Notch and shovel people’s driveways.